What's a girl to do? *Woman

"Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

So my summer is half over! it's July 7th, well almost July 8th. Yikes. I've been incredibly busy, you'd think that wouldn't leave time for free thoughts, yet they seem to creep in. I don't know what it is about summer, the warm weather that screams for company at any given moment. Or maybe it's my history of fending for myself. Keeping everyone at a distance. It's not really intentional, most of the time I don't realize I've done it. It seems natural with my busy schedule, but there's something distinctly unique about it I think. Probably protection, and I say all of this making it seem like I'm consious enough of it to change it, that I want to change it. Somedays, maybe I am.. Others who knows.

Quite a few months ago I posted a song and talked about what home means to me, and how much it's changed. The craziest part is that it's about to change for good. To turn completely around. And I know it is for the best, and I am so incredibly proud, and inspired by my Momma, but I can't help but feel a bit nostalgic. Every "home" childhood memory i have is from that house. Yes I have tons of memories from grandparents houses etc. but that's been my home the only stable, always there house with my momma in it for 21 years. My whole life, haha this is making me cry. But I gotta cry now I can't cry this weekend when we're moving the rest of the stuff out. I feel slightly ridiculous, but know that it's justified. In a way this could be good. because as much love and good memories, there's a decent amount of hurt, and despair buried in that house too. A clean place to start is going to be good. oofta. Don't get me wrong, I really am excited, this has been an incredibly long time coming... But 21 years is a good solid 1/4 of my life hopefully.

Time for bed, More soon I hope. I keep trying to not let so much time pass inbetween... then life gets in the way of my plans ;)