http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQYNM6SjD_o&ob=av2e
Over a Year ago I posted this song. Maybe I was preparing myself, maybe I thought I was ready. Maybe I really am. Now I don't have any other choice. It's done. We moved out this month. My house/home of 21 years. No one new is in it yet, but someday, and i hope that they will be able to make wonderful memories.
weird... to close that chapter. It's good to start new, and my Mom needs this, and I need this. It wasn't really home anymore, too many memories, not all good anymore.
But... knowing that doesn't make it easier. I feel how I feel, and it's sad. This conflict is the hardest part. The things I miss and at the same time I'm glad are over.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Hot Hot Hot.
So I've said it before and I'll say it again. Inconsideration is my BIGGEST pet peeve. and I know i'm not always the innocent party. BUT in a communal space, you need more of it.
It's 100 degrees out. Our air only works on the first floor, so 4 (counting me) people are sleeping in our living room. When you go to bed by 11, it'd be nice to let roommates not home know, that's all I'm saying. 2/3 were asleep at 11 when i got home. shades drawn, house completely dark. I need a fucking light, I don't want to trip and kill myself, and i have a ton of crap in my hands. So when you go to bed that early do not give me dirty looks when i need a light at 11. Coming from the ppl that used to party 5 days a week. But I'm not trying to judge them for that. Their excuse? i've previously not told them where I was and didn't come home. There have been 2 nights, just 2 nights i haven't come home alllll summer. Hardly usual. Hardly routine. Hardly an excuse. I'm ready to get a freaking hotel room to get out of my apartment. The heat makes everyone cranky enough. and unlike my roommates I don't have friends with pools that I can go swim in after school. I'm stuck here. Hot. Or I go to work. So i don't think that asking for a little extra consideration is too much to ask for. and to help things, the second floor could be livable. If I lived on our second floor, i think i could sleep in my bed with fans. But no, they're all on the first floor. But no, I live on the 3rd floor which is literally unlivable. it's impossible. No air at ALL gets up there. I'm tempted to go up there and try to sleep tonight just to get away from everyone. I'm ready to rent a hotel room, with money I don't have.
Oh and yesterday I stop home to pick up a few more things before going to make dinner, and the roommate I've known for 2.5 years is crying and on the phone, and i'm asking whats wrong and the New roommate is all "i'll tell you later" WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? I've known her for over 2 years, you've known her 2 months! And I don't get clued in? I'm not "in" on it. Wow. Fuck you too. I haven't been swearing. I've been stopping. But I am So FUCKING sick of this bullshit. I cannot wait to move out.
As if my life isn't stressed enough these days, between school, a sucky job, moving out of my childhood home... you know things that are no big deal. Stressing because I'm graduating soon... ughhhh
Sorry this one wasn't more motivational. I just needed a vent sesh. My friends are busy, and a lot of them I haven't talked to in a while... we're all busy. it sucks. I just want to control my own life.
It's 100 degrees out. Our air only works on the first floor, so 4 (counting me) people are sleeping in our living room. When you go to bed by 11, it'd be nice to let roommates not home know, that's all I'm saying. 2/3 were asleep at 11 when i got home. shades drawn, house completely dark. I need a fucking light, I don't want to trip and kill myself, and i have a ton of crap in my hands. So when you go to bed that early do not give me dirty looks when i need a light at 11. Coming from the ppl that used to party 5 days a week. But I'm not trying to judge them for that. Their excuse? i've previously not told them where I was and didn't come home. There have been 2 nights, just 2 nights i haven't come home alllll summer. Hardly usual. Hardly routine. Hardly an excuse. I'm ready to get a freaking hotel room to get out of my apartment. The heat makes everyone cranky enough. and unlike my roommates I don't have friends with pools that I can go swim in after school. I'm stuck here. Hot. Or I go to work. So i don't think that asking for a little extra consideration is too much to ask for. and to help things, the second floor could be livable. If I lived on our second floor, i think i could sleep in my bed with fans. But no, they're all on the first floor. But no, I live on the 3rd floor which is literally unlivable. it's impossible. No air at ALL gets up there. I'm tempted to go up there and try to sleep tonight just to get away from everyone. I'm ready to rent a hotel room, with money I don't have.
Oh and yesterday I stop home to pick up a few more things before going to make dinner, and the roommate I've known for 2.5 years is crying and on the phone, and i'm asking whats wrong and the New roommate is all "i'll tell you later" WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? I've known her for over 2 years, you've known her 2 months! And I don't get clued in? I'm not "in" on it. Wow. Fuck you too. I haven't been swearing. I've been stopping. But I am So FUCKING sick of this bullshit. I cannot wait to move out.
As if my life isn't stressed enough these days, between school, a sucky job, moving out of my childhood home... you know things that are no big deal. Stressing because I'm graduating soon... ughhhh
Sorry this one wasn't more motivational. I just needed a vent sesh. My friends are busy, and a lot of them I haven't talked to in a while... we're all busy. it sucks. I just want to control my own life.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
What's a girl to do? *Woman
"Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
So my summer is half over! it's July 7th, well almost July 8th. Yikes. I've been incredibly busy, you'd think that wouldn't leave time for free thoughts, yet they seem to creep in. I don't know what it is about summer, the warm weather that screams for company at any given moment. Or maybe it's my history of fending for myself. Keeping everyone at a distance. It's not really intentional, most of the time I don't realize I've done it. It seems natural with my busy schedule, but there's something distinctly unique about it I think. Probably protection, and I say all of this making it seem like I'm consious enough of it to change it, that I want to change it. Somedays, maybe I am.. Others who knows.
Quite a few months ago I posted a song and talked about what home means to me, and how much it's changed. The craziest part is that it's about to change for good. To turn completely around. And I know it is for the best, and I am so incredibly proud, and inspired by my Momma, but I can't help but feel a bit nostalgic. Every "home" childhood memory i have is from that house. Yes I have tons of memories from grandparents houses etc. but that's been my home the only stable, always there house with my momma in it for 21 years. My whole life, haha this is making me cry. But I gotta cry now I can't cry this weekend when we're moving the rest of the stuff out. I feel slightly ridiculous, but know that it's justified. In a way this could be good. because as much love and good memories, there's a decent amount of hurt, and despair buried in that house too. A clean place to start is going to be good. oofta. Don't get me wrong, I really am excited, this has been an incredibly long time coming... But 21 years is a good solid 1/4 of my life hopefully.
Time for bed, More soon I hope. I keep trying to not let so much time pass inbetween... then life gets in the way of my plans ;)
So my summer is half over! it's July 7th, well almost July 8th. Yikes. I've been incredibly busy, you'd think that wouldn't leave time for free thoughts, yet they seem to creep in. I don't know what it is about summer, the warm weather that screams for company at any given moment. Or maybe it's my history of fending for myself. Keeping everyone at a distance. It's not really intentional, most of the time I don't realize I've done it. It seems natural with my busy schedule, but there's something distinctly unique about it I think. Probably protection, and I say all of this making it seem like I'm consious enough of it to change it, that I want to change it. Somedays, maybe I am.. Others who knows.
Quite a few months ago I posted a song and talked about what home means to me, and how much it's changed. The craziest part is that it's about to change for good. To turn completely around. And I know it is for the best, and I am so incredibly proud, and inspired by my Momma, but I can't help but feel a bit nostalgic. Every "home" childhood memory i have is from that house. Yes I have tons of memories from grandparents houses etc. but that's been my home the only stable, always there house with my momma in it for 21 years. My whole life, haha this is making me cry. But I gotta cry now I can't cry this weekend when we're moving the rest of the stuff out. I feel slightly ridiculous, but know that it's justified. In a way this could be good. because as much love and good memories, there's a decent amount of hurt, and despair buried in that house too. A clean place to start is going to be good. oofta. Don't get me wrong, I really am excited, this has been an incredibly long time coming... But 21 years is a good solid 1/4 of my life hopefully.
Time for bed, More soon I hope. I keep trying to not let so much time pass inbetween... then life gets in the way of my plans ;)
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